


The Feelings I Have For You

by fangirlingovermishacollins



Series: Season 13 Codas [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas is back, Coda, Declarations Of Love, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Episode: s13e05 Advanced Thanatology, Sam Ships It, Slight cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 09:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12678990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingovermishacollins/pseuds/fangirlingovermishacollins
Summary: When Cas calls Dean to pick him up, there are a lot of things he has to say to him.





	The Feelings I Have For You

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you sooooo much! Seriously, you guys are the best readers ever. For the first time, I beat 1000 hits and 100 kudos! I mean, I have no idea how to show you how happy I was seeing how much you enjoyed that story. I hope this one is just as well-recieved and liked. Enjoy! Once again, THANK YOU. You are all awesome :D

Dean had no idea if he wanted to yell at Cas or hug him. But either way, here he was, standing by the phone booth like he hadn't just returned from death. He looked fine, too. The small mark Lucifer had given him was gone, as far as he was concerned.

"Hello, Dean. Sam." Dean could only nod, eyes running over Cas's body and face as if he was looking for signs of an imposter. One thing caught his eye though, one thing that Dean had to mention and just slipped out.

"You're wearing your old tie," Dean said, mentally cursing himself for opening with that rather than a hello. "Why the hell are you doing that?"

Yep, Dean was still speaking before thinking. Cas seemed unfazed by it though, instead he smiled slightly and looked down as if double checking that Dean was telling the truth. "I was ejected from the Empty like this."

"Ejected?" Sam asked, stepping forward. "You mean you were forced out?"

"I had plans to find a way out of the Empty already. But it seemed like a mysterious entity there forced me out instead." 

"How the hell do we know you're being honest?" Dean demanded, but already had gripped Cas tight, holding him close in a hug that lasted a few seconds too long. "Damn, you're really you, huh?" he asked with a laugh, sounding a little out of breath.

"It would appear to be so. Unless you see an issue with me? I can prove, in many ways, that I am not faking." Cas slowly brought his arms around Dean, returning the embrace in a slightly awkward way. Sam just watched, seemingly trying to hold back a laugh- especially when Dean leaned even more into him.

"No need, Cas. I think that if Dean trusts you, we're good." Sam gestured to the little moment between his brother and the angel. Once again, he smiled and shook his head.

"Alright. How have you both been? Is Jack alright? How about Mary? What woke me up?" 

Sam chuckled. Dean looked like he were close to tears, yet happy at the same time. Through the mixed emotions he was showing, Dean said, "Sammy's freaking awesome. I'm a little unstable, but when am I not, right? Jack's doing a damn good job of rubbing me the wrong freaking way. Mom's in the dimension the kid opened before his birth. We don't have a single damn idea how you're here."

"Unstable?" Cas pulled away from Dean, looking at him worriedly. "That shouldn't be normal." The angel gently placed a hand on Dean's arm. "Talk to me."

Dean jerked his thumb towards Sam, behind him. "Not with the damn psychologist over there. When we get to the bunker, 'kay?"

The hunter was probably saying too much, but after holding everything in, well, it was all coming out in front of Cas. The angel seemed to understand too, based on the gentle stroke of his fingers and the way they were brushing his arm through his many layers. Plus, Cas was looking at him in a friendly, we're-talking-later kind of way, and it was just a relief.

"If you prefer it, I have no reason to object. I simply hope you hold nothing back."

"I promise on my Baby I won't, 'kay? Just let me get some of my shit together, at least try anyway, before Show and Tell, and I'm good."

Cas squinted in that way Dean had always secretly found adorable, with the head tilt and it made Dean's defense mechanisms shut down, because how the hell would he ever lie to that face? "We are not partaking in a children's game. This is much more serious than that."

"It's not meant to be taken seriously. Ever hear of joking?" Cas suddenly looked much more relaxed at that, nodding in understanding. "See? You get it now. Awesome."

"I missed you both," Cas said, changing the subject. He let himself break free from Dean's touch enough to hug Sam, trying not to notice the way Dean's face slightly dimmed when he did so. 

"Yeah, we missed you too. I mean, we've definitely been better, you know?" Sam shrugged. "But don't worry about that yet, okay? You just got back here."

"I just wish to know everything that's been going on, Sam. I believe it would be beneficial to both of you if you would talk to me."

"Damn, Dr. Phil. Calm down, okay? I already said I'd talk. Now you wanna get out of here or what? Sammy decided to leave the kid behind at the bunker with some fantasy movies. Who knows what's forming in his mind by now." Dean said with a look towards Sam. 

"Dean, they're not bad." 

"Uh, Sam, have you even seen them?" Cas followed behind the Winchesters, listening to them go back and forth about movies. It was kind of relaxing, hearing them go on like this. Cas expected them to freak out when they saw him, but instead they just welcomed him back and fought like always.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack could recognize that someone new was in the bunker. He could easily detect Sam and Dean's arrival, considering they'd been there since he was born, but there was a third person now. They didn't seem to be trouble or anything mildly evil, in fact they were a little familiar.

"Hello?" Sam called out when the bunker door opened. "Jack?"

Cas looked confused. "Sam, if the nephilim was just born, he would have no response to you calling his name. I would expect him to be an infant still, despite the accelerated growth he will most likely have soon."

Dean put a hand on his shoulder. "Cas, the kid hit puberty as soon as Kelly had him. He's already had that 'accelerated growth.'" Just as Dean finished speaking, Jack emerged from one of the hallways, almost like the three of them had practiced this.

"Hello. You were out on a hunt?" Sam nodded, stepping towards Jack. "Did it go alright?"

"Yeah, Jack, it was good. Hey, you remember Cas, right?" The angel stepped forward, going slowly as he looked Jack over. "Well, he's back. I mean, we don't know how, but here he is."

"Hello, Jack. I'll be honest, you don't look how I expected. How long have you been here?"

"I arrived in the bunker about three days ago."

"No, Jack." Dean looked just a little bit amused. "He means since you got here on Earth."

"Oh, well, I would have to say six days, twenty hours, and fourteen minutes." 

Cas nodded. "I understand how you must feel. I was the same way when I first came here."

"Glad you two are getting along. Now let's say we crack open a beer and talk before I decide to shut up again?" Dean asked with a grin. "I'll get one for the kid, too. Sound good?" Dean was already heading for the kitchen before anyone could say anything, Cas looking after him, slightly worried and a little confused.

"Is he alright?" The angel asked. "I understand he's been through quite a bit recently, but he seems like he not telling us something. He's avoiding something." 

"Let him talk about it. I mean, he'll talk if he wants to, you know?" Sam shrugged. "It looks like having you being here is helping, though."

"It could be me, Sam. You and I both know that Dean isn't ready to trust me just yet." 

"Dean doesn't trust you?" Cas asked. "I can see that you have the best of intentions. You're more like Kelly than Lucifer. The waves of power you're letting out are nothing but good."

"Yeah, but you know how Dean is. He's not exactly quick to trust anyone, Cas. And the fact that he's Lucifer's son isn't really helping."

"I could try to talk with him. He would most likely listen to what I have to say. I see that you, Sam, will try to convince him of Jack's intentions, but he will think it's because you are closer to him. I could reason with him better."

"You would do that?" Jack looked almost confused, but still a bit hopeful. "Why? You only just met me."

"I knew you weren't evil in any way ever since I felt you kicking around while still inside your mother. Dean doesn't understand that. But I will do it, Jack. I sense that you could do better with Dean's approval." 

"Thank you, father." Cas looked surprised, but Sam could see his face soften as he said, "You're welcome, Jack."

"Four cold ones," Dean called to them, carrying two beers in each hand. "Sammy, you want to help with this? My hands are kinda full, and the last thing you probably want now is a spill because I wasn't careful." Sam reached over and took two of the bottles, and watched as Dean took one and handed it to Jack. "Don't drink too much, 'kay? You're not really, you know, tolerant yet."

"I'll keep my alcohol consumption to a minimum, Dean. Thank you." Jack smiled gratefully and easily lifted the lid from his bottle.

~~~~~~~~~~

"So then while we're stopping for breakfast, Sammy orders me freaking chili fries. I'm talking loaded, with every damn thing possible on top. They were a large order too, and I could barely see the damn fries." Dean took a sip from his beer.

"Okay, I understand that Sam ordered you chili fries, Dean. But what does it have to do with talking about what's happened while I was gone?" Cas sipped just a bit of beer from his bottle, squinting in confusion. Jack watched him, then tried his best to recreate the movement.

"Well, Sammy only did it because I said something that apparently worried him shitless." Dean getsured to Sam. "The guy thinks that because I said I don't have anything to believe in, I deserve the royal treatment."

"You have nothing to believe in? Why is that?"

"Look, Cas. Even Jack could probably tell you, and he barely even knows me. It doesn't take a genius or therapist to see."

"I could? Dean, I don't think that's true." Jack looked towards Cas, something he had started doing when he didn't know what else to say and someone was looking at him waiting for him to talk.

"Well, it's like this, okay? Mom is in some alternate world with your asshole father, and the dick probably killed her by now, or he's planning to. Up until just now, Cas, you were dead and apparently would never wake up. It makes sense."

"You mean Mary?" Jack asked. "You could have asked Mia to turn into her for you. I actually asked her to become my mother. It was very helpful."

"Well, it ain't the real thing, and I don't want some stupid false hope that she's out there just because some shifter thought she could fool me." Dean downed the final part of his beer.

"I suppose that makes sense. Dean, what was that case about that you went on with Sam? Would you rather discuss that?"

"Yeah, Cas. You're a damn lifesaver, you know that? If I have to spill my entire life story, I'll probably die. I mean, if Billie decides that it's in those notebooks about me anyway."

"Billie? I killed her. She's dead now. In fact, Billie should be in the empty right now."

"No. Not how it works. See, uh, when you were in your psycho God phase a few years back, you killed Death. Or we did, I have no idea anymore. But, Cas, when Billie died, there's apparently some rule where the first reaper to die after Death himself becomes Death. Basically she got promoted because you stabbed her."

"Oh." Cas paused. "How do you know?"

"Well, she was dressed in black. Like she was attending a freaking funeral. She held a scythe almost as tall as her, and it was all stone-looking and crap. But the kicker? The ring. Billie was showing the damn thing off like she was engaged."

"Death is back now, and it's Billie that took his place. Alright. But what about the notebooks you mentioned?"

"There was an entire library's worth of my deaths. Probably a million freaking notebooks where I die in some way I don't know about."

"I had no idea. I am faintly aware of the rules of the four horsemen, however. How did you even come across her? You only do that if you die."

"Oh, about that," Dean began, pausing and looking over at Sam almost guiltily. "I injected myself with some kind of lethal stuff that's supposed to kill me. It worked, and I saw Billie standing there like a damn shadow of gloom or something."

"Why? Dean, you can't be suicidal. You have witnessed many things in the years you've hunted, but none of it has brought you down." Cas reached out to touch Dean's arm, trying to comfort him with a single touch. 

"I was trying to communicate with a ghost. The case would have been freaking hopeless without me doing that. I had a reason."

"I suppose so." Cas sighed. "Dean, you can talk to me about anything, you know that. Anytime you prefer, I'm ready to listen."

"Yeah, okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean excused himself to go to his room soon after that. Cas offered to follow him, and Sam just nodded, already sitting close to Jack to answer any questions he may have had about what had just happened.

"Dean? May I come in? I believe we should talk. Just the two of us."

"Whatever. Look, I do think we should talk, okay? So come in already." Dean swung the door open, and the angel carefully sat on the edge of his bed. 

"I can only assume that you want to say something to me you don't want Sam and Jack to hear. I will listen, Dean."

"Good guess. Okay, look. I was thrown off by your comment about me possibly being suicidal, okay? And maybe you had a point. But it's not as bad as you think."

"You want to die?" When Dean sat next to him on the bed, Cas's arm reached out to wrap around him in a slightly awkward embrace. "I had no idea."

"I was ready. Let's go with that. It's just, everyone I care about is either dead or in some alternate dimension, and your absent-ass father isn't answering me no matter what. You know that I actually demanded he bring Crowley back?"

"You hated him. He hated you. Why would you-?" Cas was cut off by Dean placing a single finger over his lips. 

"Let me finish." Dean sighed and took a moment to compose himself, then continued. "Yeah, he was a dick. Yeah, I hated him and only worked with him when I had to. I wanted to kill him so many times, but if he came back, that meant that maybe Chuck was listening, and there was hope for Mom. Hope for you, Cas."

"I'm sorry. I should have stepped farther away from the dimensional portal. I should have taken more precautions with myself and my life. I could have been able to predict Lucifer trying to kill me."

"Look, that was way out of your control. Lucifer is an asshole, yeah, but know what? You're here. I can reach out and know you're not a damn hallucination or some kind of sick projection prank. Or, you know, like Jack said, a shifter."

"I wish I knew who had hurt you since then. I want to make sure you're alright." Cas rubbed his hand up and down Dean's arm, getting progresisvely closer to his hand.

"I've got a heavenly bodyguard now? Awesome. I mean, you're so willing to find who bothered me and kick their ass all because of me, and I did nothing to deserve it."

"You're worth it, Dean. I fell from Heaven for you. I broke the rules of the angels. Because of you, I started to feel what I shouldn't have."

"Yeah? What did you feel then?" Dean leaned into Cas's touch a little bit more.

"Something I have no idea how to explain. It made me feel a mixture of emotions, such as nervousness, hurt, guilt, and happiness, it seemed. I was nervous around you. Like right now, because I have no idea if what I'm doing is considered socially acceptable."

"You're good, Cas. Freaking awesome, in fact. We've never given a shit about social stuff, anyway. I mean, remember when you used to watch me sleep?"

"Of course. You found it to be rather creepy, as you said it. I stopped soon after."

"Thank fuck for that. I felt like you were stalking my ass." Dean chuckled slightly. "Anyway, do you only get like that around me? Or does Sammy have something to do with it too?"

"Sam actually didn't elicit the feeling. I have only ever had the experience with you around. I hope you're not 'creeped out' by my admitting this, but it is the truth."

"There's nothing wrong with you, okay? It's a normal human thing."

"What does it mean, then? I know for certain it isn't any kind of anger or hatred towards you. I could never hate you, Dean. I hope you know that." Dean's head was now resting on the angel's shoulder, and when he exhaled shakily, Cas could feel it, not just hear it.

"It's," the hunter began, "it's like, you want to be closer to them, you know? Like now, when I'm leaning against you and you're kinda, well, holding me? And you get so damn nervous around them you find it damn near impossible to think straight. I feel the same way about this one person, you know?"

"Dean, I do know what it's like. I'm not asking what it feels like. I'm wondering what it could mean." 

"Okay, then, I guess I'll explain. I dunno, it's so damn confusing and I have no freaking idea what to say. It's kinda difficult to say it when...." Dean just sighed, and unable to continue, shrugged.

"When?" Cas rubbed Dean's arm again. "If you can't think of what to say, you shouldn't have to. I won't force it."

"I know one thing we could do, and it'll say a hell of a lot more than whatever the hell we're trying to say now. If you want to, anyway." They were speaking in hushed voices now, whispering just loudly enough to be heard by each other.

"I would prefer to do whatever you're referring to, but based on what you're saying, I believe I would want to hear you say it. I know that it's highly likely friends as close as we are don't interact like this. From what I've seen and been a witness to, this is mainly reserved for people who are romantically involved."

"You were the one who initiated it," Dean said.

"I may have started this when I walked in, yes, but you had every chance to push me away. You didn't."

"Maybe I liked this. You don't know."

"And I could have liked it as well. In your words, you don't know."

In no way was this considered friendly, as if it ever was in the first place. The two of them were now bordering on cuddling, Cas's head having come to lay right on top of Dean's. Their breathing felt in sync. Even though Dean would rather die than admit to having cuddled with his best friend, neither one wanted to move.

"I can tell you right now, Cas, I think I know what you're taking about. The way you're saying you feel about me, and this whole freaking thing, I can say that I think of you as something more than just my angelic best friend."

"And I can safely say that I think of you as being much more than what we are."

"What are we even doing, then? We just gonna keep going the way we are?"

"If I have any say in the matter, I would prefer not to. We've established that we both have some kind of feelings for each other, correct?"

"Yeah, Cas. I mean, we may just be a pair of dumbasses. What if we fight and can't even look at one another? Awkward as hell."

"If I can get past you trying to kill me as much as you did, I can say that we're guaranteed to get through something as simple as an argument."

"Then, I dunno, let's just do something. I can't really see us being friends after this."

"I agree. I would rather not say that it's complicated, however. I won't accept being what you call friends with benefits."

Their foreheads were touching now, eyes set in some kind of intense staring contest, except neither of them cared about blinking. Their breathing, still feeling in sync, had sped up. Cas's breath actually caught when Dean's gaze flickered to his lips, his tongue darting out to wet his own lips.

If anyone was going to ask them who leaned forward first, they would easily claim that it was either themselves or the other person, but in reality, none of them would remember. All that really happened when they processed what was going on was that they were now kissing, grip on each other tightening. 

"I've wanted to do this for so damn long," Dean admitted, catching his breath. "By the way, that feeling you said you had? That's a pretty damn good way to describe love."

"Then I owe it to you to tell you the truth. I am in love with you, Dean."

"I'm so freaking in love with you too, Cas. I waited way too long to tell you."

"No worries." Cas cupped the side of Dean's neck, his thumb brushing over the hunter's jaw and lower chin. "You have more than made up for it. I can't believe this has actually happened. Are you absolutely sure I'm not dreaming?"

"If you are, I am too. And I don't want to wake up. But angels don't sleep. Not even you."

"Good. I never have to act like just a good friend to you again." Cas smiled. "Could I kiss you again?" 

"As many times as you want, angel. We can do a hell of a lot more than kiss if you're interested," Dean said with a seducitve smirk.

"I love you. Did I mention that to you already, Dean?"

"Yeah, but feel free to do it again and again. I'm never getting tired of it."


End file.
